04
Mon, Nov
1 New Articles

Remotely Personal

Commentary
Typography
  • Smaller Small Medium Big Bigger
  • Default Helvetica Segoe Georgia Times

I don't know how many of you are old enough to remember (and young enough to not have forgotten everything you ever knew) the 1981 AT&T marketing campaign, "Reach Out and Touch Someone." No company can run that campaign today because, if it did, it would be accused of promoting harassment. People are much more sensitive about stuff like that than they used to be.

Of course, AT&T was speaking metaphorically. What it really meant, even though it said it rather obliquely, was that it deeply and dearly hoped that we would all spend great gobs of money—preferably as much as we could possibly afford, if not more—on long-distance charges to talk to loved ones and others, preferably lots of others, who, because of the geography separating us, we couldn't literally reach out and touch. A couple of recent news items brought this whole "touching but not touching" thing to mind and led me to conclude that technology is definitely getting out of hand. Literally.

As a new book author, the first item is going to be difficult for me to write about. I worry (what, me worry?) about being misunderstood and, as a result, offending people who I hold very dear, namely that rare breed of individuals who actually enjoy my writing and have bought my book, BYTE-ing Satire. You see, the news item is about a remote signing device, named LongPen, developed by a company set up by author Margaret Atwood and a business partner of hers. According to an article published in the Globe and Mail and based on an Associated Press newswire item, Atwood invented the device, a remote-controlled robotic pen, so that authors could do book signings miles, and even continents, away from book buyers.

Here's the part that I'm afraid people will misunderstand: In order to explain why I think this invention is a waste of ingenuity, I feel the need to mention that I don't understand why book buyers want their books signed at all. How does the author's signature on a book enhance the reader's enjoyment of it or, in the case of non-fiction, the worth of the information it provides? I don't get it.

I should admit here that I once did have an author sign my copy of his book, but I did it just to be polite. I attended a speech by an academic whose theories interest me. The talk was part of a day-long program. During the break, the speaker's most recent book, which was the subject of his speech, was on sale in the lobby. I had planned to buy it eventually, but I was going to wait and get it later at a bookstore or online. Then I thought, "What the heck, I'm here. I've nothing else to do during the break, so I might as well buy it now." When I got to the head of the line, I saw that the author was, without asking the purchasers, signing his books as they were being bought. My first reaction was to shout, "Don't even think of defacing with your stupid signature the book that I've just spent good money on, you arrogant little jerk," but I thought that would be rather rude, and the "little" part of "little jerk" would have been ridiculous since, like most of the adult population, he was taller than me (and, like most of the adult population, probably able to beat the crap out of me if, for some reason, he was so antagonized that he became eager to do so), so I stood there quietly while he signed it.

The reason for my apprehension about mentioning this is that I've already fulfilled a couple of people's requests to sign their copies of my book. I don't want either of them to misconstrue the above as suggesting that I think any less of them for asking for my signature. Quite the contrary; I might not understand it, but I was flabbergasted and honored beyond words to learn that they thought there was some value in having my signature on their copy.

I would certainly never sign a book against the purchaser's will, but if we ever find ourselves in the same place when you have your copy of my book in your hand and you want me to sign it, just ask. I'd be happy to. Nonetheless, given my inability to understand why you would value my signature, please don't take offense if I first verify that you haven't inserted some carbon paper and a check below the page you want me to sign. If you do manage to slip one past me and the check is for a large amount, you'll probably want to bring a catcher's mitt to make sure the check doesn't get away from you when you try to cash it.

Let me be clear so there's no mistake. It's true that I don't see the value that anyone gets from an author's signature, but if I thought it would help sell enough additional copies of my book, I'd prick my finger and sign them with my own blood. (Just so you know, I'm only kidding about that. You'd have to buy a few thousand copies before I'd agree to sign more than five or ten of them that way.)

Since I don't understand the value of an author's in-person signing of a book, I really don't comprehend this long-distance signature thing. The article wasn't particularly clear on how it works, but here you have a machine that, I assume, digitizes an author's hand movements during a signing, sends those signals to a remote location, and then uses the transmitted zeros and ones to control a robotic pen that writes the author's "signature" on a book in the remote location. I've got an idea. Why doesn't the publisher just digitize the signature and print it on every copy of the book as part of the normal printing process? It seems to me that would save an awful lot of bother, some communications bandwidth, and a heck of lot of expensive technology. What's the difference between the two techniques? I don't get it.

The second news item was about another new gadget that I don't get. On March 8, 2006, Yahoo News carried a Reuters story about some researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology who have come up with long-distance wine glasses. Obviously, that requires a little explanation. The way it works is you get two wine glasses that have a bunch of sensors, red light-emitting diodes, and a wireless transmitter/receiver built into them. When you lift one of the glasses, the partner glass lights up. When you put the glass to your lips, the partner glass glows brightly.

I'll admit that this has a very high gee-whiz, cool factor to it, but that, apparently, wasn't the inventors' primary objective. The glasses are supposed to be romantic. According to the MIT researchers who invented them, the glasses can help to make up for the lack of social interaction that lovebirds (that's the term used in the Reuters story; I assume they meant people, not small Old World parrots) miss when they're apart. One of the two researchers was quoted as saying that the glasses will "help people feel as if they were sharing a drinking experience together." That may be so, but one thing I can tell you for certain is that geography is still going to conspire to prevent you from getting any nookie from your long-distance partner that night, which makes it all sound sort of like...well...sort of like my life, if you must know the truth.

Joel Klebanoff is a consultant, a writer, and president of Klebanoff Associates, Inc., a Toronto, Canada-based marketing communications firm. He is also the author of BYTE-ing Satire, a compilation of a year's worth of his columns. Joel has 25 years experience working in IT, first as a programmer/analyst and then as a marketer. He holds a Bachelor of Science in computer science and an MBA, both from the University of Toronto. Contact Joel at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. He won't complain if you forge his signature on your copy of his book (assuming you pay for it first), but he'll probably have something to say—something that he'll say exceptionally loudly—about you doing so on a check or, for those of you outside of the U.S., on a cheque.

Joel Klebanoff

Joel Klebanoff is a consultant, writer, and formerly president of Klebanoff Associates, Inc., a Toronto-based marketing communications firm. He has 30 years' experience in various IT capacities and now specializes in writing articles, white papers, and case studies for IT vendors and publications across North America. Joel is also the author of BYTE-ing Satire, a compilation of a year's worth of his columns. He holds a BS in computer science and an MBA, both from the University of Toronto.


MC Press books written by Joel Klebanoff available now on the MC Press Bookstore.

BYTE-ing Satire BYTE-ing Satire
Find out the hilarious answer to the eternal question: "Is technology more hindrance than help?"
List Price $14.95

Now On Sale

BLOG COMMENTS POWERED BY DISQUS

LATEST COMMENTS

Support MC Press Online

$

Book Reviews

Resource Center

  • SB Profound WC 5536 Have you been wondering about Node.js? Our free Node.js Webinar Series takes you from total beginner to creating a fully-functional IBM i Node.js business application. You can find Part 1 here. In Part 2 of our free Node.js Webinar Series, Brian May teaches you the different tooling options available for writing code, debugging, and using Git for version control. Brian will briefly discuss the different tools available, and demonstrate his preferred setup for Node development on IBM i or any platform. Attend this webinar to learn:

  • SB Profound WP 5539More than ever, there is a demand for IT to deliver innovation. Your IBM i has been an essential part of your business operations for years. However, your organization may struggle to maintain the current system and implement new projects. The thousands of customers we've worked with and surveyed state that expectations regarding the digital footprint and vision of the company are not aligned with the current IT environment.

  • SB HelpSystems ROBOT Generic IBM announced the E1080 servers using the latest Power10 processor in September 2021. The most powerful processor from IBM to date, Power10 is designed to handle the demands of doing business in today’s high-tech atmosphere, including running cloud applications, supporting big data, and managing AI workloads. But what does Power10 mean for your data center? In this recorded webinar, IBMers Dan Sundt and Dylan Boday join IBM Power Champion Tom Huntington for a discussion on why Power10 technology is the right strategic investment if you run IBM i, AIX, or Linux. In this action-packed hour, Tom will share trends from the IBM i and AIX user communities while Dan and Dylan dive into the tech specs for key hardware, including:

  • Magic MarkTRY the one package that solves all your document design and printing challenges on all your platforms. Produce bar code labels, electronic forms, ad hoc reports, and RFID tags – without programming! MarkMagic is the only document design and print solution that combines report writing, WYSIWYG label and forms design, and conditional printing in one integrated product. Make sure your data survives when catastrophe hits. Request your trial now!  Request Now.

  • SB HelpSystems ROBOT GenericForms of ransomware has been around for over 30 years, and with more and more organizations suffering attacks each year, it continues to endure. What has made ransomware such a durable threat and what is the best way to combat it? In order to prevent ransomware, organizations must first understand how it works.

  • SB HelpSystems ROBOT GenericIT security is a top priority for businesses around the world, but most IBM i pros don’t know where to begin—and most cybersecurity experts don’t know IBM i. In this session, Robin Tatam explores the business impact of lax IBM i security, the top vulnerabilities putting IBM i at risk, and the steps you can take to protect your organization. If you’re looking to avoid unexpected downtime or corrupted data, you don’t want to miss this session.

  • SB HelpSystems ROBOT GenericCan you trust all of your users all of the time? A typical end user receives 16 malicious emails each month, but only 17 percent of these phishing campaigns are reported to IT. Once an attack is underway, most organizations won’t discover the breach until six months later. A staggering amount of damage can occur in that time. Despite these risks, 93 percent of organizations are leaving their IBM i systems vulnerable to cybercrime. In this on-demand webinar, IBM i security experts Robin Tatam and Sandi Moore will reveal:

  • FORTRA Disaster protection is vital to every business. Yet, it often consists of patched together procedures that are prone to error. From automatic backups to data encryption to media management, Robot automates the routine (yet often complex) tasks of iSeries backup and recovery, saving you time and money and making the process safer and more reliable. Automate your backups with the Robot Backup and Recovery Solution. Key features include:

  • FORTRAManaging messages on your IBM i can be more than a full-time job if you have to do it manually. Messages need a response and resources must be monitored—often over multiple systems and across platforms. How can you be sure you won’t miss important system events? Automate your message center with the Robot Message Management Solution. Key features include:

  • FORTRAThe thought of printing, distributing, and storing iSeries reports manually may reduce you to tears. Paper and labor costs associated with report generation can spiral out of control. Mountains of paper threaten to swamp your files. Robot automates report bursting, distribution, bundling, and archiving, and offers secure, selective online report viewing. Manage your reports with the Robot Report Management Solution. Key features include:

  • FORTRAFor over 30 years, Robot has been a leader in systems management for IBM i. With batch job creation and scheduling at its core, the Robot Job Scheduling Solution reduces the opportunity for human error and helps you maintain service levels, automating even the biggest, most complex runbooks. Manage your job schedule with the Robot Job Scheduling Solution. Key features include:

  • LANSA Business users want new applications now. Market and regulatory pressures require faster application updates and delivery into production. Your IBM i developers may be approaching retirement, and you see no sure way to fill their positions with experienced developers. In addition, you may be caught between maintaining your existing applications and the uncertainty of moving to something new.

  • LANSAWhen it comes to creating your business applications, there are hundreds of coding platforms and programming languages to choose from. These options range from very complex traditional programming languages to Low-Code platforms where sometimes no traditional coding experience is needed. Download our whitepaper, The Power of Writing Code in a Low-Code Solution, and:

  • LANSASupply Chain is becoming increasingly complex and unpredictable. From raw materials for manufacturing to food supply chains, the journey from source to production to delivery to consumers is marred with inefficiencies, manual processes, shortages, recalls, counterfeits, and scandals. In this webinar, we discuss how:

  • The MC Resource Centers bring you the widest selection of white papers, trial software, and on-demand webcasts for you to choose from. >> Review the list of White Papers, Trial Software or On-Demand Webcast at the MC Press Resource Center. >> Add the items to yru Cart and complet he checkout process and submit

  • Profound Logic Have you been wondering about Node.js? Our free Node.js Webinar Series takes you from total beginner to creating a fully-functional IBM i Node.js business application.

  • SB Profound WC 5536Join us for this hour-long webcast that will explore:

  • Fortra IT managers hoping to find new IBM i talent are discovering that the pool of experienced RPG programmers and operators or administrators with intimate knowledge of the operating system and the applications that run on it is small. This begs the question: How will you manage the platform that supports such a big part of your business? This guide offers strategies and software suggestions to help you plan IT staffing and resources and smooth the transition after your AS/400 talent retires. Read on to learn: