02
Sat, Nov
2 New Articles

IM: Instant Madness

Commentary
Typography
  • Smaller Small Medium Big Bigger
  • Default Helvetica Segoe Georgia Times
Scientists tell us that single-celled life originally appeared on earth about 3.6 billion years ago, give or take a few hundred million years. The first recognizably human beings waltzed onto the scene roughly four million years ago. Alright, waltzed may not be the right word. I suspect that the best that they could do is a rudimentary fox trot, but you get the point. It is impossible to contemplate these numbers and not be awed by the fact that after all of those millennia of evolution there are still people who think that Instant Messaging (IM) is a tremendous advance in human communication.

For me, IM is just one more way for the outside world to intrude rudely on my train of thought, which is something that I can do easily enough on my own. By the way, is it lunchtime yet? See, I did it already.

Someone who shall remain nameless (because she edits this column and would probably remove her name anyway) suggested that "perhaps the usefulness of IM is that people don't feel right about calling each other for a 20-second phone call. They feel like they need to make the call count for something. Hence, IM." That is exactly my point. People don't feel the slightest hesitation about using IM for conversations of little or no value. With the exception of casual social discourse, if people are going to intrude on my time, I would prefer that they do feel the need to make it count for something.

My abhorrence of IM derives partly from the fact that I am not the world's greatest conversationalist. In fact, I probably don't make the top five billion list. I've been told the reason is that I think too much. Funny, but I've always thought that too many people don't think enough before they speak. A few politicians come to mind. Who am I kidding? Most politicians come to mind.

Politicians should love IM because it is the anti-thought. IM punishes people who like to think before responding. Here's the typical scenario: You're sitting at your computer, inevitably in the middle of some deep, life-altering thought, when a message pops up on your screen. It nags you, just begging to be answered. You know that someone on the other side of the Internet is impatiently awaiting your response. No doubt, the sender would consider any delay to be terribly rude. Never mind that the intrusion on your time was even more terribly rude.

Since you can't type anywhere near as fast as you can talk, you figure that you better start your response right away. Thinking only gets in the way.

It is not the discouragement of thought that bothers me the most; it is the intrusion. I know, I know, you can set your online status to "busy" or "on the phone," but there will always be people who say to themselves, "Oh, he's just doing that to discourage other people who might want to bother him." Let me set the record straight. I am trying to discourage you--specifically you.

After a few days of intrusions, I got smart and permanently set my online status to "away," which dissuaded messages from most people. Of course, that defeated the purpose of IM. When I finally let someone through, he was a much faster typist and thinker than I am. He dashed off four messages to my one. Soon, I was dozens of messages behind and just gave up. I called him on the phone and asked what he wanted. We resolved the issue in about seventeen seconds, after which I told him never to IM me again. I then uninstalled as much of Messenger as Microsoft graciously let me uninstall and never looked back.

If something really is so important that you need to get to me right away, call me. If it is not terribly urgent, email me. The nice thing about email is that I don't have to interrupt what I'm doing in order to respond immediately. And I can easily and conveniently keep a record of our email correspondence to jog my aging memory. If it is not at all important, send me a snail mail. However, I should warn you that I live in Canada, and the Canadian postal system has a motto that differs a little from the words over the General Post Office on 8th Avenue in New York. Canada Post's slogan is "Snow, rain, heat, and gloom of night are just a few of the many things that stay these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds."

In conclusion, I recently came across a couple of interesting statistics that put this whole IM issue into perspective. Statistic one: In 2002, almost 32% of American adults had sent at least one instant message. Statistic two: In the same year, about 22% of American adults suffered from a diagnosable mental illness. Coincidence? I think not. My only question is, how long will it be before the other 10% are diagnosable?

Joel Klebanoff is a consultant, a writer, and president of Klebanoff Associates, Inc., a Toronto, Canada-based marketing communications firm. Joel has 25 years experience working in IT, first as a programmer/analyst and then as a marketer. He holds a Bachelor of Science in computer science and an MBA, both from the University of Toronto. Contact him at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. His MSN Messenger sign-in name is...yeah, right, like that's going to happen.

Joel Klebanoff

Joel Klebanoff is a consultant, writer, and formerly president of Klebanoff Associates, Inc., a Toronto-based marketing communications firm. He has 30 years' experience in various IT capacities and now specializes in writing articles, white papers, and case studies for IT vendors and publications across North America. Joel is also the author of BYTE-ing Satire, a compilation of a year's worth of his columns. He holds a BS in computer science and an MBA, both from the University of Toronto.


MC Press books written by Joel Klebanoff available now on the MC Press Bookstore.

BYTE-ing Satire BYTE-ing Satire
Find out the hilarious answer to the eternal question: "Is technology more hindrance than help?"
List Price $14.95

Now On Sale

BLOG COMMENTS POWERED BY DISQUS

LATEST COMMENTS

Support MC Press Online

$

Book Reviews

Resource Center

  • SB Profound WC 5536 Have you been wondering about Node.js? Our free Node.js Webinar Series takes you from total beginner to creating a fully-functional IBM i Node.js business application. You can find Part 1 here. In Part 2 of our free Node.js Webinar Series, Brian May teaches you the different tooling options available for writing code, debugging, and using Git for version control. Brian will briefly discuss the different tools available, and demonstrate his preferred setup for Node development on IBM i or any platform. Attend this webinar to learn:

  • SB Profound WP 5539More than ever, there is a demand for IT to deliver innovation. Your IBM i has been an essential part of your business operations for years. However, your organization may struggle to maintain the current system and implement new projects. The thousands of customers we've worked with and surveyed state that expectations regarding the digital footprint and vision of the company are not aligned with the current IT environment.

  • SB HelpSystems ROBOT Generic IBM announced the E1080 servers using the latest Power10 processor in September 2021. The most powerful processor from IBM to date, Power10 is designed to handle the demands of doing business in today’s high-tech atmosphere, including running cloud applications, supporting big data, and managing AI workloads. But what does Power10 mean for your data center? In this recorded webinar, IBMers Dan Sundt and Dylan Boday join IBM Power Champion Tom Huntington for a discussion on why Power10 technology is the right strategic investment if you run IBM i, AIX, or Linux. In this action-packed hour, Tom will share trends from the IBM i and AIX user communities while Dan and Dylan dive into the tech specs for key hardware, including:

  • Magic MarkTRY the one package that solves all your document design and printing challenges on all your platforms. Produce bar code labels, electronic forms, ad hoc reports, and RFID tags – without programming! MarkMagic is the only document design and print solution that combines report writing, WYSIWYG label and forms design, and conditional printing in one integrated product. Make sure your data survives when catastrophe hits. Request your trial now!  Request Now.

  • SB HelpSystems ROBOT GenericForms of ransomware has been around for over 30 years, and with more and more organizations suffering attacks each year, it continues to endure. What has made ransomware such a durable threat and what is the best way to combat it? In order to prevent ransomware, organizations must first understand how it works.

  • SB HelpSystems ROBOT GenericIT security is a top priority for businesses around the world, but most IBM i pros don’t know where to begin—and most cybersecurity experts don’t know IBM i. In this session, Robin Tatam explores the business impact of lax IBM i security, the top vulnerabilities putting IBM i at risk, and the steps you can take to protect your organization. If you’re looking to avoid unexpected downtime or corrupted data, you don’t want to miss this session.

  • SB HelpSystems ROBOT GenericCan you trust all of your users all of the time? A typical end user receives 16 malicious emails each month, but only 17 percent of these phishing campaigns are reported to IT. Once an attack is underway, most organizations won’t discover the breach until six months later. A staggering amount of damage can occur in that time. Despite these risks, 93 percent of organizations are leaving their IBM i systems vulnerable to cybercrime. In this on-demand webinar, IBM i security experts Robin Tatam and Sandi Moore will reveal:

  • FORTRA Disaster protection is vital to every business. Yet, it often consists of patched together procedures that are prone to error. From automatic backups to data encryption to media management, Robot automates the routine (yet often complex) tasks of iSeries backup and recovery, saving you time and money and making the process safer and more reliable. Automate your backups with the Robot Backup and Recovery Solution. Key features include:

  • FORTRAManaging messages on your IBM i can be more than a full-time job if you have to do it manually. Messages need a response and resources must be monitored—often over multiple systems and across platforms. How can you be sure you won’t miss important system events? Automate your message center with the Robot Message Management Solution. Key features include:

  • FORTRAThe thought of printing, distributing, and storing iSeries reports manually may reduce you to tears. Paper and labor costs associated with report generation can spiral out of control. Mountains of paper threaten to swamp your files. Robot automates report bursting, distribution, bundling, and archiving, and offers secure, selective online report viewing. Manage your reports with the Robot Report Management Solution. Key features include:

  • FORTRAFor over 30 years, Robot has been a leader in systems management for IBM i. With batch job creation and scheduling at its core, the Robot Job Scheduling Solution reduces the opportunity for human error and helps you maintain service levels, automating even the biggest, most complex runbooks. Manage your job schedule with the Robot Job Scheduling Solution. Key features include:

  • LANSA Business users want new applications now. Market and regulatory pressures require faster application updates and delivery into production. Your IBM i developers may be approaching retirement, and you see no sure way to fill their positions with experienced developers. In addition, you may be caught between maintaining your existing applications and the uncertainty of moving to something new.

  • LANSAWhen it comes to creating your business applications, there are hundreds of coding platforms and programming languages to choose from. These options range from very complex traditional programming languages to Low-Code platforms where sometimes no traditional coding experience is needed. Download our whitepaper, The Power of Writing Code in a Low-Code Solution, and:

  • LANSASupply Chain is becoming increasingly complex and unpredictable. From raw materials for manufacturing to food supply chains, the journey from source to production to delivery to consumers is marred with inefficiencies, manual processes, shortages, recalls, counterfeits, and scandals. In this webinar, we discuss how:

  • The MC Resource Centers bring you the widest selection of white papers, trial software, and on-demand webcasts for you to choose from. >> Review the list of White Papers, Trial Software or On-Demand Webcast at the MC Press Resource Center. >> Add the items to yru Cart and complet he checkout process and submit

  • Profound Logic Have you been wondering about Node.js? Our free Node.js Webinar Series takes you from total beginner to creating a fully-functional IBM i Node.js business application.

  • SB Profound WC 5536Join us for this hour-long webcast that will explore:

  • Fortra IT managers hoping to find new IBM i talent are discovering that the pool of experienced RPG programmers and operators or administrators with intimate knowledge of the operating system and the applications that run on it is small. This begs the question: How will you manage the platform that supports such a big part of your business? This guide offers strategies and software suggestions to help you plan IT staffing and resources and smooth the transition after your AS/400 talent retires. Read on to learn: