04
Mon, Nov
5 New Articles

Digital Duds

Commentary
Typography
  • Smaller Small Medium Big Bigger
  • Default Helvetica Segoe Georgia Times

Victoria, the superb, skillful, superlative editor, recently sent me a link to a PCmag.com article about the work that researchers at the MIT Media Lab are doing to develop digital clothing that can alter its look on demand. (Victoria is truly deserving of high praise, but you can usually read my use of two or more complimentary words about her in a single sentence as foreshadowing my intention to write something that I fear she might censor. Actually, there are a couple of slightly risqué lines this week. You'll know them when you see them, assuming, of course, they're still there when you read this.)

These revolutionary new clothes will include organic light-emitting diodes (OLED) woven into the fabric. The wearer will be able to download patterns to update his or her wardrobe without having to buy new shirts, pants, or whatever. Wireless downloading will mean that wearers will be able to alter their fashion anytime, without the need to change clothes or to be tethered to a computer or a hardwired Internet connection.

I just hope that the clothes remain opaque rather than becoming transparent when the battery wears down. Otherwise, I'm going to be making a lot more trips to the gym before venturing outside wearing any of these garments.

The inventors envisage people passing their favorite patterns to friends, allowing the designs to disseminate widely and rapidly. Ah, excuse me? Probably ever since our ancestors first started wearing something more elaborate than leaves, many people have felt severely mortified whenever they walked into a room where someone else was wearing the same outfit. I've never quite understood why that's cause for consternation, but many people break into a cold sweat and develop hives in such situations. For the duration of the gathering, they turn into total social misfits as a result of their agonizing humiliation. Yet the propeller heads at MIT think people are going to intentionally create situations where this will happen much more frequently? I don't think so. (Just as an aside, maybe the reason that wardrobe redundancy doesn't bother me very much is that every time I walk into a room, I do so as a total social misfit, so my angst can't descend any further than its ever-present depths.)

"Oh," you say, "but with these clothes, people can immediately change the pattern as soon as they recognize their faux pas." Uh huh, but answer me this: Who's going to be the one to give up their favorite design? In the past, the only two choices were to live with the discomfiture or leave. The latter was so obviously ridiculous that only the most insecure would bother leaving. But I can just hear the arguments that will develop once it becomes easy to change the pattern on your shirt. People will revert to their inner three-year-old. "You change." "No, you change." "No, you!" "NO, YOU!" The argument will quickly escalate into fisticuffs. You don't think people will be that petty? No? A few past wars have had equally irrational, although admittedly much different, causes.

No, I don't see people using this technology to share clothing designs among all of their friends, family, and colleagues. At least I hope not, for the sake of world peace.

The people who I do see using this are advertisers. I already hate it when clothing makers splash a logo on the clothes they try to sell me. I don't buy stuff like that. I'm a marketer, so I'm not opposed to advertising, but advertisers usually pay to advertise. If a clothing manufacturer sticks a small version of its logo in an inconspicuous spot on a shirt I like, I might reluctantly buy it, but if the manufacturer or seller is going to splash a honking big corporate banner front and center on my shirt, it can damn well pay me to be its walking billboard. I'm certainly not going to put out my hard-earned dollars, or any dollars that weren't particularly hard-earned for that matter, just so I can walk around displaying their commercials. I may be easy, but I'm not cheap.

Then again, getting paid to sport advertising suggests an opportunity. Why not hock space on your clothing on eBay or maybe on a Web site dedicated to clothing ad sales that some clever entrepreneur builds once this apparel becomes available? (Note to clever entrepreneurs: Please visit my Web site to find the address to which you can send the royalty checks for the use of this idea.)

Of course, advertisers are willing to pay more for advertising space that is seen primarily by people who are most likely to be positively (positively in the advertiser's terms) affected by the ads. Therefore, I see this being integrated with GPS technology so the ads displayed on your clothes will depend on your location. For example, if you're in a supermarket, a toilet paper manufacturer could advertise its brand on the seat of your trousers. At lunchtime, your shirt may read "Eat at Shlomo's Rib Shack" should you happen to be within easy walking distance of Shlomo's restaurant. Or if you're in a bookstore, your clothing might display...no, never mind. I've already plugged my book too often in these columns.

I also see this invention being used as an updated version of 1970s mood rings. For the benefit of those of you who are unfamiliar with mood rings, let me explain. Their color changed based on your body temperature or, more accurately, your finger temperature because, being a ring, that's where they were worn. The color of the ring was supposed to indicate your mood.

With this new technology, clothing manufacturers should be able to go so much further than the old mood rings. For one thing, rather than just displaying your mood unobtrusively on your finger, your clothes will be able to splash it boldly across your body. And why stop at just body temperature? Why not also include sensors that pick up heart rate, brain wave activity, and the strength and pace of your breathing? Then your clothes could do a much better job of accurately reflecting your mood.

Think of how this technically advanced clothing could be of benefit in your everyday human interactions. If you're feeling happy, people can share in your joy. If you're feeling sad, people will know to offer sympathy and to try to cheer you up. If you're feeling extremely irate, possibly bordering on homicidal, people will take one look at the blood-red color of your outfit and give you a wide berth. And if you're feeling...no, there aren't enough compliments in the world sufficient to stop Victoria from censoring the line I was about to write. Use your own imagination to fill in the blank, but, please, keep it clean. I can't assume responsibility for your thoughts. Let's just suffice it to say that if anyone ever films a remake of the 1978 movie Sextette, Mae West's last film, they'll have to update what is arguably West's most famous line (a line that, rumor has it, she said in Sextette simply because she had been so often misquoted as having said it in an earlier film). Instead of referring to a gun in a pocket, whoever plays the West part in the remake will probably say something like, "Has your shirt just been through a plutonium field, or are you just glad to see me?"

One warning: Since lying usually triggers physical responses in the liar, used car salespeople and politicians would be well advised to avoid this apparel should the inventors decide to incorporate my mood display suggestion.

The link to the PCMag.com article appeared in a Ziff Davis news compendium by Jim Louderback. In his introduction to the article, Louderback said, "My biggest fear? Someone hacks my shirt and pastes an indelible 'Kick Me' sign to the back."

That would certainly be embarrassing, but I can think of worse things that an evil hacker could do. For example, what if someone posted a message on every garment a particular woman was wearing, in spots visible to everyone else, but not to her, that issued an invitation of the sort I'm not allowed to write about here. If someone, who was neither the hacker nor in any way in cahoots with the hacker, accepted that invitation, could he use that plainly evident invitation as a defense in a sexual harassment or a sexual assault trial? Maybe you'd better just stick to analog clothing to be on the safe side.

Joel Klebanoff is a consultant, a writer, and president of Klebanoff Associates, Inc., a Toronto, Canada-based marketing communications firm. He is also the author of BYTE-ing Satire, a compilation of a year's worth of his columns. Joel has 25 years experience working in IT, first as a programmer/analyst and then as a marketer. He holds a Bachelor of Science in computer science and an MBA, both from the University of Toronto. Contact Joel at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. In case anyone does want to pay him enormous sums of money to wear advertising, he would like it to be known that regardless of the size of the remuneration, he will not advertise anything immoral. Then again, his moral standards aren't all that high, so make him an offer.

Joel Klebanoff

Joel Klebanoff is a consultant, writer, and formerly president of Klebanoff Associates, Inc., a Toronto-based marketing communications firm. He has 30 years' experience in various IT capacities and now specializes in writing articles, white papers, and case studies for IT vendors and publications across North America. Joel is also the author of BYTE-ing Satire, a compilation of a year's worth of his columns. He holds a BS in computer science and an MBA, both from the University of Toronto.


MC Press books written by Joel Klebanoff available now on the MC Press Bookstore.

BYTE-ing Satire BYTE-ing Satire
Find out the hilarious answer to the eternal question: "Is technology more hindrance than help?"
List Price $14.95

Now On Sale

BLOG COMMENTS POWERED BY DISQUS

LATEST COMMENTS

Support MC Press Online

$

Book Reviews

Resource Center

  • SB Profound WC 5536 Have you been wondering about Node.js? Our free Node.js Webinar Series takes you from total beginner to creating a fully-functional IBM i Node.js business application. You can find Part 1 here. In Part 2 of our free Node.js Webinar Series, Brian May teaches you the different tooling options available for writing code, debugging, and using Git for version control. Brian will briefly discuss the different tools available, and demonstrate his preferred setup for Node development on IBM i or any platform. Attend this webinar to learn:

  • SB Profound WP 5539More than ever, there is a demand for IT to deliver innovation. Your IBM i has been an essential part of your business operations for years. However, your organization may struggle to maintain the current system and implement new projects. The thousands of customers we've worked with and surveyed state that expectations regarding the digital footprint and vision of the company are not aligned with the current IT environment.

  • SB HelpSystems ROBOT Generic IBM announced the E1080 servers using the latest Power10 processor in September 2021. The most powerful processor from IBM to date, Power10 is designed to handle the demands of doing business in today’s high-tech atmosphere, including running cloud applications, supporting big data, and managing AI workloads. But what does Power10 mean for your data center? In this recorded webinar, IBMers Dan Sundt and Dylan Boday join IBM Power Champion Tom Huntington for a discussion on why Power10 technology is the right strategic investment if you run IBM i, AIX, or Linux. In this action-packed hour, Tom will share trends from the IBM i and AIX user communities while Dan and Dylan dive into the tech specs for key hardware, including:

  • Magic MarkTRY the one package that solves all your document design and printing challenges on all your platforms. Produce bar code labels, electronic forms, ad hoc reports, and RFID tags – without programming! MarkMagic is the only document design and print solution that combines report writing, WYSIWYG label and forms design, and conditional printing in one integrated product. Make sure your data survives when catastrophe hits. Request your trial now!  Request Now.

  • SB HelpSystems ROBOT GenericForms of ransomware has been around for over 30 years, and with more and more organizations suffering attacks each year, it continues to endure. What has made ransomware such a durable threat and what is the best way to combat it? In order to prevent ransomware, organizations must first understand how it works.

  • SB HelpSystems ROBOT GenericIT security is a top priority for businesses around the world, but most IBM i pros don’t know where to begin—and most cybersecurity experts don’t know IBM i. In this session, Robin Tatam explores the business impact of lax IBM i security, the top vulnerabilities putting IBM i at risk, and the steps you can take to protect your organization. If you’re looking to avoid unexpected downtime or corrupted data, you don’t want to miss this session.

  • SB HelpSystems ROBOT GenericCan you trust all of your users all of the time? A typical end user receives 16 malicious emails each month, but only 17 percent of these phishing campaigns are reported to IT. Once an attack is underway, most organizations won’t discover the breach until six months later. A staggering amount of damage can occur in that time. Despite these risks, 93 percent of organizations are leaving their IBM i systems vulnerable to cybercrime. In this on-demand webinar, IBM i security experts Robin Tatam and Sandi Moore will reveal:

  • FORTRA Disaster protection is vital to every business. Yet, it often consists of patched together procedures that are prone to error. From automatic backups to data encryption to media management, Robot automates the routine (yet often complex) tasks of iSeries backup and recovery, saving you time and money and making the process safer and more reliable. Automate your backups with the Robot Backup and Recovery Solution. Key features include:

  • FORTRAManaging messages on your IBM i can be more than a full-time job if you have to do it manually. Messages need a response and resources must be monitored—often over multiple systems and across platforms. How can you be sure you won’t miss important system events? Automate your message center with the Robot Message Management Solution. Key features include:

  • FORTRAThe thought of printing, distributing, and storing iSeries reports manually may reduce you to tears. Paper and labor costs associated with report generation can spiral out of control. Mountains of paper threaten to swamp your files. Robot automates report bursting, distribution, bundling, and archiving, and offers secure, selective online report viewing. Manage your reports with the Robot Report Management Solution. Key features include:

  • FORTRAFor over 30 years, Robot has been a leader in systems management for IBM i. With batch job creation and scheduling at its core, the Robot Job Scheduling Solution reduces the opportunity for human error and helps you maintain service levels, automating even the biggest, most complex runbooks. Manage your job schedule with the Robot Job Scheduling Solution. Key features include:

  • LANSA Business users want new applications now. Market and regulatory pressures require faster application updates and delivery into production. Your IBM i developers may be approaching retirement, and you see no sure way to fill their positions with experienced developers. In addition, you may be caught between maintaining your existing applications and the uncertainty of moving to something new.

  • LANSAWhen it comes to creating your business applications, there are hundreds of coding platforms and programming languages to choose from. These options range from very complex traditional programming languages to Low-Code platforms where sometimes no traditional coding experience is needed. Download our whitepaper, The Power of Writing Code in a Low-Code Solution, and:

  • LANSASupply Chain is becoming increasingly complex and unpredictable. From raw materials for manufacturing to food supply chains, the journey from source to production to delivery to consumers is marred with inefficiencies, manual processes, shortages, recalls, counterfeits, and scandals. In this webinar, we discuss how:

  • The MC Resource Centers bring you the widest selection of white papers, trial software, and on-demand webcasts for you to choose from. >> Review the list of White Papers, Trial Software or On-Demand Webcast at the MC Press Resource Center. >> Add the items to yru Cart and complet he checkout process and submit

  • Profound Logic Have you been wondering about Node.js? Our free Node.js Webinar Series takes you from total beginner to creating a fully-functional IBM i Node.js business application.

  • SB Profound WC 5536Join us for this hour-long webcast that will explore:

  • Fortra IT managers hoping to find new IBM i talent are discovering that the pool of experienced RPG programmers and operators or administrators with intimate knowledge of the operating system and the applications that run on it is small. This begs the question: How will you manage the platform that supports such a big part of your business? This guide offers strategies and software suggestions to help you plan IT staffing and resources and smooth the transition after your AS/400 talent retires. Read on to learn: